Alone with Time

I sit here in my faded robe
My morning coffee at my side
The shades are up, the day has dawned
And all my thoughts are on a ride.

Now I wonder where my time has gone
So fast at times, I ponder
Can these days slow down for me, or
Will they put me under.

What will give me comfort now
I question as I sit here
Will the coldness in my heart
Awaken soon. I hope. I fear.

My buoyant heart is worn and old
My hair is full of wire
My thighs are slim, but hang all wrong
My only warmth is from a fire.

My loves have always been my life
My strength and courage, and my home
Now I wonder if there's time, and
Do I really want to roam.

The times I've loved have been and gone
The lessons sometimes hurt
My feelings have been ripped apart
High and low, then tossed and turned.

Will I be content to rest
Forever in this slump
Or will I trample out to buy
The things I'll need to pump.

Will the lotions and the oils
Revitalize and give me hope
Will I emerge so ravishing
Or will I fail and mope.

Will I really need the lace
The perfumes and the creams
The magic of the "Wonder Bra"
To fulfill all my dreams.

Will I emerge again anew
Or will I cry and whine
Will I stay inside my house
Or will I dance and dine.

Will I dare to venture
Or is it time to sleep
My books, my socks and washed out flannels
Forever in my keep.

I ponder in my faded robe
A new day, warm and bright
My thoughts have circled, now plans abound
The road is now in sight.

No I say, I just won't do it
I'm learning now to live
Alone with me, content with time
Myself, the gift to give.

-Lyn Miller Lacoursiere (Cira 1995)